With such a wonderful christmas gift given to me and allowing me to start the New Year with a fresh new start I have been reflecting over the past year quite a bit. It is crazy to think but in just 3 weeks will be officially one year since I was diagnosed with Leukemia. It is a wonderful and humbling experience to approach such a milestone because on that day I didn't even know if I would still would be alive at this point writing to you and yet here I am. I have been taken to the "brink" twice, once in induction and then again in my transplant but I am still here kicking and smiling :) Now I got through both these adventures fairly unscathed compared to many. I attribute that to a variety of things first I think I my attitude and overall strength had something to do with it, but I know that is not nearly enough. Cancer doesn't succumb to attitude only and through reading and seeing with my own eyes it is clear it doesn't discriminate, it will take the strongest person who does everything right without blinking an eye. So what else got me through then? Well first this past year has renewed a faith that lay fairly dormant the past couple years in both me and many of you in my support network. In addition, the amount of prayer groups that I have been added to has surely been humbling and life altering. Many people pray for me that don't know me or my situation. Awhile back I had once come across some literature about the power of group prayer. It talked about how when many people in all different places focus their mind on a singular thing miraculous things can happen. And lets face it getting through all the chemotherapy, radiation, being immuno-compromised, and having someone else's cells working in my body is nothing short of miraculous. I do feel blessed for such good fortune. I realize that I still have a long road ahead but I journey down that road knowing each step is a blessing not soon to be forgot. Finally getting through cancer requires a little dumb luck. Thankfully I had a good deal of it in both hospital stays and was able to get through without any serious infections. I still obviously need that luck but am very thankful for the luck I have been dealt so far.
Over the past few months I have often referred to it as a tragedy when going over certain reflections. I use that term because when you are first diagnosed it does feel like a tragedy. Your entire world is thrown upside down and things that were once important become instantaneously miniscule. The only thing that becomes of importance is your survival. Amy asked me today why a cancer patient celebrates the date of their diagnosis. At first I did not answer and did not know, I thought maybe because I was still going through the process was why I didn't have the answer. I spent the evening reflecting on it and came upon the answer. To everyone cancer seems like a tragedy even after the patient gets through the process. But for the survivor at some point during their journey it transitions away from a tragedy and is actually a blessing. The journey teaches you so many lessons and changes you fundamentally that no matter how hard the journey was you would never go back and not embark on it. And that is why we celebrate the date of diagnosis, it is almost like a birthday of sorts, the day your life changed forever. So don't feel sorry for those of us that have been dealt the hand of cancer, we were given a gift we would never exchange ;)
I thought over the next couple posts I would share and relect of some of the lessons I have learnt over the past year.
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Aaron:
ReplyDeleteI was so pleased to read that this experience has awoken your deep feelings for your faith.
When I found out that I was pregnant for the first time, I struggled to find a strong name for my first child to carry him or her through their lifetime.
Aaron was Moses brother and he was always in the background supporting his brother as needed. For your baptismal name I chose Michael, as St. Michael the Archangel fought so hard for God.
During this past year, I have prayed often to St. Michael to be with you and to keep you strong of body and faith.
I found this reading and after seeing you this last time in the hospital with your brow furrowed with pain as you pretended that nothing was wrong while we visited and had meant to bring it to you, in fact I did, but forgot that it was in my jeans pocket to leave with you.
So I will leave it with you now:
"For He orders His angels to protect you wherever you go." [Psalm 91:11]
The reflection with this scripture reading goes as follows:
If we really stop and think about how much God loves us, we will be amazed. He will go to all lengths to take care of us. God loves us so much that He gave us guardians. Not only does He keep His watchful eye on us but His angels watch over us to protect us, as well. This doesn't mean that we'll never experience pain. It does mean that He knows everything that's going on in our life and He protects us when the evil one tries to destroy us. We can live in comfort and peace, knowing that God and His angels are close by.
I like to think that not only your guardian angel, but also St. Michael the Archangel, your namesake, have both been hovering around you during this past year and have never left your side.
I would also like to thank everyone, worldwide, and we have developed a prayer network that stretches far and wide, for all of their prayers that have obviously reached our Lord and He has brought you through this journey so far with fewer complications than many others and has also awakened your faith.
Love
Mom