The most overwhelming mental battle I underwent occured around Easter of this year. At this time I underwent one of my many intrathecal chemotherapy treatments (this treatment involves a needle being inserted into my spinal cord and a chemotherapy agent injected directly into it). One of the side effects is a potential to develop headaches. Thankfully I only have had this side effect once (knock on wood :) ) But this side effect occured over easter weekend. This is not any headache but the most debilitating experience of my life. The mental battle actually came from just dealilng with the overwhelming pain day after day without any end in sight. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do in these circumstances to make your situation better. Half way through the headaches I received so super strong pain killers from my doctor and it changed my world. The most difficult part of the whole time was being in excrutiating pain and having no end in site. Every day that I woke up in pain just got more and more overwhelming. I hope I never have to go through something like this again but if I do I will be much quicker to getting pain killers :)
The most difficult mental battle I underwent was actually going to the doctor's office to get my plantar's wart burnt. It is funny because it seems like it would be nothing but it actually took me over 2 months to build up the courage and mental fortitude to get through the doctor's door. I never realized that I would have those fears. I still don't know what was the full root of it but the last time I had been in that office I received the news to go straight to the hospital and then I found out about the leukemia. So I am guessing it had something to do with that ;) Finally one morning I just woke up and walked straight out the door before I had time to talk myself out of it. Once I went once it was like a weight was lifted and now I have no problems with it. The biggest lesson I learnt here was perseverance. I knew after the first morning of me talking myself out of going to the doctors office that it was going to be a tough thing to overcome. I never rushed myself or made myself feel bad for talking myself out of it. I knew one day I would get there and that was good for me.
Well those are my two toughest mental battles I have gone through this year. Of course there are lots more that I have been through, and many more to come I am sure. You don't have to go through cancer to undergo mental battles. Just know that each one will make you a stronger person for going through it.
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