All I Want for Christmas...

I got some surprising news on Tuesday.  Around noon the transplant team called me and told me that my doonor has chosen December for when they want to do their donation.  This means that I will be admitted back into PMH on Dec 16.  I will begin my heavy duty chemotherapy on the 17th.  After four days of heavy chemotherapy I will go for a couple of full body radiation sessions on the 21st.  And then on the 22nd I will receive my new bone marrow stem cells. 

I titled this post all I want for christmas because I have kind of had that song all i want for Christmas is my two front teeth in my head :)  I wonder if I could write one for bone marrow (if there are any song writers out there feel free to take a shot ;) ) 

When I first got the phone call I have to admit I was a little in shock and had a lot of nerves.  It took a lot to process everything.  Most people would think that the emotion you would feel is excitement and happiness but at first those are not the predominant emotions.  Sure there is a small bit of happiness.  I also feel gratitude towards this stranger that is giving me such a big christmas gift.  I think the gratitude will be at it highest when I am receiving the stem cells and the happiness will really start to take hold as my counts start to climb again.  Right now though the major emotions are shock, apprehension, and nervousness.  The shock comes from it finally coming true.  You go through such a long waiting time that it almost doesn't seem real that you are going to go through the bone marrow (more like a distant dream ;) ).  The apprehension is not a overwhelming feeling (don't worry I am not thinking of backing our anything like that).  It is more a combined feeling with the nervousness.  They are more derived in the fact that I have one of the biggest fights of my life coming up. And that I guess is the root of why you don't feel super excited and happy.  Sure as the process goes along the excitement will increase but right now I am mentally preparing myself for what lies ahead which is a very difficult road.

On the day I found out I was being transferred to PMH to begin my treatment I had a similar experience.  It actually is a feeling I haven't felt since the last time I raced at Nationals.  The nerves are a bad thing, just part of getting mentally prepared for a tough battle (whether a big race or big chemotherapy treatment :) )

Those are most of the details for now.  Over the next 2 weeks I have a lot of testing and procedures that have to performed on me.  Next Tuesday I get about 15 vials of blood taken and my bone marrow aspirated and biopsed.  This bone marrow procedure is actually what is taken up more of my apprehension feeling because it is so unpleasant.  I will be very happy once I am through that.  I also have to have a hickman line re-inserted, two heart tests performed, a ct scan of my organs, and a pulmonary function test done.  With all these testing there may be some days I am not able to post an update over the next 2 weeks.

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