When I think back over the past year, the hardest thing for me to learn to accept and embrace was that my life was now supposed to move at a much slower pace than before. Before I got sick I was the type of person who, when I put my mind to something I wanted to excel at it, and I wanted it to be fast.
When I taught myself to snowboard I was at Chicopee or Glen Eden everyday of the week either before work or after getting some time on the hill (my car always had all my snowboarding gear in it just in case). When I took up learning golf I went to the driving range every day after work and played a minimum of two rounds a week. In addition to learning some hobbies over the past three years, I had also thrown myself into my career. I wanted to move quickly up the company, and I knew that I had to work hard to do so. You can see in all these examples, I have this obsession with getting good at things I try very quickly. Quickly being the key. When I got sick this was all about to change.
Call it poetic justice but of course the form of cancer I was diagnosed with requires one of the longest treatment programs there is. I couldn't help but be jealous when reading stories of Lance Armstrong, his three month of treatment program, and being cured within a year. I still to this day would not trade my disease for any other as I believe there is a purpose for me getting leukemia, but my desire to do things quickly brought out a little green envy ;) I of course wanted to beat my leukemia, and be damn good at it but this was the one time where no matter what, I couldn't finish any faster.
When I got out of the hospital after my induction I faced a new world. Many of things I had focused on in the past three years were not available to me any longer. And on top of that the one thing (my treatment and recovery) that I could focus on, I couldn't make any faster. I knew I was going to have to make some major adjustments over the next two years :)
The first month wasn't too hard of an adjustment to a slower life because you are so weak from the intense treatments that you don’t have much energy to do too much anyway. After the first month and when Amy was back at work, I found myself getting really bored and frustrated. To honest, it was more a feeling of being trapped. My life was on hold, I couldn't speed up the process, and my options of what I could do were very limited. Let’s face it, you can only watch so much daytime television or read so many books :). There were a couple of days that I feel bad for Amy because she came home from work to what I am sure was one grumpy bear.
It took a bit, but one day I realized I had a gift that I wasn't truly appreciating. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and so my leukemia was no accident. It was something that forced me to slow down in my life.
Once I realized this, I decided I could make little changes for the better. Each day I would go for a walk, if only for 10 minutes. I used to go for walks with the focus of getting from point A to B as quickly as possible. I don't think I ever took the time to look around and appreciate what I was seeing. So when I made the decision that I would start walking each day it was to help me get stronger, but I wasn't going out to work out, I was going out to appreciate nature and the beautiful village I lived in.
These walks made an instant difference in my life. On my first "stroll" (I moved pretty slowly and you can say I fit right in with all the senior citizens of Port Credit :)) I found I saw more beauty than I could have ever imagined. Today I have learnt to embrace my more laid back lifestyle. I still find myself slipping back into my old ways of wanting to do things quickly but at least now I am conscious of it, make sure I appreciate the journey, and try to slow down.
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