Are you Taking Care of your Soul

It is a very busy time of year with the upcoming holiday season.  Everyone is trying to not only meet our normal daily obligations but in addition finish our shopping and preparations for the holiday season.  The holiday season is supposed to be a time of love, reflection, and happiness but every holiday season I notice the same thing...most people are cranky, impatient, and just generally in a foul mood (I myself am guilty of this from time to time).

But why at one of the happiest times of year are we in our worst moods?  I believe the cause comes from us becoming so busy we often forget one of our most important tasks; taking care of our soul.   I have spoken about this quite often in the past when discussing the importance of our personal sanctuaries and was reminded about it while working through my book last night.  I thought today I would share a passage from a past post as a friendly reminder.

Grabbing some Me Time

With the upcoming wedding, trip, and side project I have been working on, it has been pretty busy around here needless to say something hada to give.  Unfortunately my writing time here on the blog was the one to suffer with all that is going on. 

When so much is going on in our lives it is very easy to get overwhelmed and stressed which can often lead to shortness and crankiness in our dealings with others, especially those close to us.

This is why I think it is so important even in our busiest times to find a little "Me" time.  It doesn't have to be much, but something you enjoy doing where you can be at peace with yourself. 

Life's Ironies

I wrote about my idea for a "new" New Years taking place on December 22 instead of January 1.  Truthfully the idea came to me while watching a recent episode of "The Big C".  In the episode the main character's, Kathy's, friend told her it was fitting he was dying on December 21st, since it was the darkest day of the year.

Why Jan 1st?

Have you ever thought about why we celebrate New Years when we do?  Why was January 1st chosen as the veginning of the new year.  By definition this date represents a beginning of something new.  Our early ancestors based all their timing on the movement of the planets, changing of the seasons and most importantly the movement of the sun.

So why choose January 1st?  If you think about it, nothing new happens on the morning of January 1, except that we are told it is the start of a new calendar year. 

A Rebalance Required

I have to be honest, my interest in photography was starting to falter a little bit over the course of end of August and September.  I kept a small amount of interest alive by trying some new things like shooting film on old mechanical SLRs but in the end something was still missing.

That is one of the main reasons why I started going through all my old photographs from the past year and a half and began sharing my photography journey.  I find it is always inspiring to see how far one's ability and talent has come and I was hoping this review of my photograph's would yield such results.

Two Beers and a Jar of Mayonaise

I was sent this message in a email forward and it had such a wonderful message in it I just had to share it with all of you.  I could not find a better way to get this message across than how this writer did so I won't even try.  So sit, back and enjoy!

I am not sure who the original writer is so I can't give them their much deserved credit

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls..

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.. '

Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life..

The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--- and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car..

The sand is everything else---the small stuff . 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups.. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

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Rolling with the Punches

I was driving to Guelph on Monday for an appointment with my sleep doctor and as I was driving I began to reflect.  First, I began reflecting on this blog.  Although, I started it when I was first diagnosed I really didn't get serious with it until November 1st last year.  Since then it has grown much bigger in a year than I had imagined possible.  I am not one of the bloggers that is always checking my stats out as an ego boost, although I would be lying to say I didn't used to (at one time or another everyone gets obsessed with it :) ).  With that said I am always looking to grow this blog with readership that enjoys what I have to say. 

This thought pattern slowly morphed over to how the blog has evolved.  It was originally just a place to update friends and family on my progress so I didn't have to write a million emails.  Eventually the progress updates got farther and farther apart but everyone liked hearing from me so I started adding some of my thoughts to my posts.  From there it has merged to what the blog is today, reflections and lessons that my journey with cancer has taught me about life.  What I like most about it now is that it is applicable to everyone, you don't have to have cancer to get something from this blog...In fact, the goal is you use the reflections and lessons in your own lives to make positive changes instead of waiting for that catastrophic event to cause you to start making drastic changes.

I continued my reflection and started thinking about the past 6 weeks or so and was trying to come up with an idea to write about.  I started thinking about what my recovery from the bone marrow transplant can teach us about life.  The first thing that came to my mind is it is HARD.  I wanted to dig deeper though because you don't need cancer to tell you life is hard.  What has made the recovery the hardest is the unexpected challenges that come along.  I wasn't prepared to have as a slow of a recovery as this has been.  I half expected to be back to normal after a couple months.  

Getting Back to Our Roots

A little over a week ago in my post "Remembering to Feed our Roots" I discussed how important it was to once inawhile feed our root system.  This is the base of who we are and is what keeps us strong during life's toughest storms.  Many of you had some amazing comments about what you do to feed your roots.  With everything that has been going on I could feel my roots were getting weary, because I was getting mentally weary.  I just knew that I needed to do something to get back to normal, and so over the thanksgiving weekend I focused on correcting this.

Leading into thanksgiving had been tough for me.  I had been battling with stomach problems for weeks by then.  The problem wasn't actually all the "lost" liquid (you guess the end) but it was more a tiny prison.  Because of my situation I could never be far from a bathroom.  This stopped all forms of pleasure in my life, by constricting my diet to the blandest thing you can imagine, and taking my photography away.  I just couldn't go out taking pictures without a tow along porta potty :) 

This isn't a post looking for empathy or to complain, just trying to give some context.  I made it through, mostly smiling so everything is all good :)  But back to the story. 

Leading up to thanksgiving there were two drastic changes in my situation.  First off, I sold my Leica camera and bought another system (more on that in my photography review of October).  The second was the doctors started to get a handle on my stomach and I was making my way out of that dark valley.  The tuesday before thanksgiving I was given an IV bag of fluid because I was so dangerously low and started on a cocktail of drugs to try and fix the problem.  I had to go back to the hospital for Friday for a second appt.  This is the first time I had two appointments in one week and had an IV bad since my first 90 days post transplant.  The Friday appointment was to determine if I was getting better or whether I was going to get admitted to the hospital for thanksgiving weekend.

The Bone Marrow Transplant Recovery Drug Cocktail Explained

Let me start by apologizing on this post being one day late.  You will just have to enjoy it over a relaxing Saturday morning coffee instead :)  Truthfully I had an entirely different post planned for yesterday but as I reflected more on what I wanted to write I felt today's post needed to be said.

I have mentioned a few times over the past couple weeks how much difficulty my body has been having.  I lost over 16 pounds over the course of 2 weeks, scary I know.  They almost admitted me into the hospital for thanksgiving weekend to fill me up with fluids.  Instead we changed up my drug cocktail which seemed to curtail the issue of losing water and now I am up 20 pounds from that point.  Yes you heard it right, my weight has fluctuated over 36 pounds in the past 4 weeks.  Needless to say I hadn't been feeling much like myself. 

Don't worry though, I am been riding this roller coaster now for almost 10 months and I have learned to just go with it. 

I often talk about my drug cocktails but never really go into detail, I thought today I could explain the mix and how it affects my BMT recovery rollercoaster.

The "Cocktail" is a mix of three different types of drugs:
1.) Immunosuppressants
2.) Protector Pills (as I like to call them)
3.) Prophalytic Pills

Remembering to Feed Our Roots

Last weekend we just finished with Thanksgiving, and in my weekend post I not only shared what I was thankful for but many of you joined in and and shared as well.  Not lost in all of this was the true meaning of Thanksgiving which was to give thanks and celebrate the successful harvest.

It got me thinking what does it really take to have a successful harvest?  Well first it takes the farmers a great deal of work just to get the crops out of the field, but there is is so much prep work before hand.  From the moment the seeds are planted into the earth, work is being done to ensure that months later they reap their rewards of a great harvest.  I would imagine the main focus of their early work is to create a strong root system for their plants.  These plants aren't like the ones in our gardens that get pampered with nice soil, sunlight, and constant watering.  These are exposed to all the elements, and without healthy roots they would just get defeated but the constant barrage of pressure mother nature places on them.

Finding Happiness

Over the past month and a half life has been extremely hectic around here between moving, getting sick, battling two infections in my mouth and battling what looks to be a case of GI tract GVHD.  I have really not felt well for almost 4 weeks which is an extreme drain on your mood, yes even on me Mr Positive :)

It had sucked all enjoyment out of my life.  I had to drastically change my diet to a very bland diet consisting of no fibre, fatty foods, or dairy.  I had low energy, and couldn't eat very much due to both pain in my mouth and loss of appetite.  To top it all off with the GI problems were causing me to always have to go to the washroom, which meant I couldn't stray far from home. 

This is one of the reasons I started the photography year in review as a means to try and find some joy again.  It is not healthy for us to continually be down, it breeds depression and can be harder and harder to pull ourselves out of with each passing day. 

Giving Thanks

This weekend is the Canadian Thanksgiving, which for many people (me included) means gorging ourselves on as much turkey, stuffing, gravy, and pumpkin pie as our poor little stomachs can handle.

Thanksgiving is mostly celebrated in Canada and the United States on different dates in the fall (from what I know).  Its origins are a mix of Native and European traditions.  But without going into a lengthy history lesson Thanksgiving was originally a holiday to communally celebrate the end of a successful harvest and share its bounty with one another.

It has morphed a bit to more of a commercial state over the years but I like to think that some of that original magic and communal sharing wasn't lost over time.  Families still get together to celebrate, although many of us don't participate in a harvest anymore, it still is a celebration and oppurtunity for a great feast.

The Unplanned Path along a Different Road

Sometimes the path may be scary looking, but it will always lead you somewhere worthwhile

Many of you may be wondering where I get my inspirations for my reflections and more thought provoking things I write here on my blog.  Many times it is the "light bulb" syndrome where everything clicks for a few minutes and I have my moments of genius.  But more often than not a see is planted in my mind by someone else.  Whether it be a passage I find truly inspiring in a book or another blog, or a comment or email that one of you the readers sends me about a recent post.  I can't tell you how many posts I have written because I was inspired by feedback given by you, the reader.  That is why I am always pushing for more and more feedback, whether it be through email or the commenting section; it is my secret inspiration pool :)

Today I wanted to reflect on a post I recently read by one of my favourite bloggers Cathy Jones Tittle at her blog ~just my thoughts.   I think what speaks most to me about her blog is its eclectic nature, very similar to my own.  There are posts about her journey in life, photography posts, and truly inspiring posts with deep lessons. 

Recently I read one of her posts that deeply touched me and got me thinking quite a bit.  The post was titled "Be My Baby"   (to read the full post click the link)

Although I strongly suggest each of you go read her post the Cole's notes version is:
They were on vacation and just had a splendid meal so decided to take a different route back to her sister's house so they could hit up some wineries.  The Garmin had other plans for them and directed them into the middle of nowhere.  Instead of getting angry, like most of us would, they continued on their journey to find some lakes and ponds that were supposed to be full of Canadian geese at this time.  Upon arrival, disappointment again, no geese to be found.  The frustration was beginning to set in when she came across one of the most beautiful scenes in nature a mother bird (a peahen and it chick in tow).  Like I said please visit the post to see the photo in all its glory!  She finished her post with a wonderful lesson on life that again I refuse to spoil to for all of you.

What really got me reflecting was the story in its totality.  I found it to be a perfect metaphor to our lives, taking on a road less travelled feel.  Sure the road was chosen for them and not the one they had planned and hoped for, but really in our lives how many times do we end up travelling down the road we hoped and planned for. 

As I read this simple story I couldn't stop thinking about how this small journey so emphatically paralleled my own life.  As many of you know the "garmin" that directs my life decided to take me on a wildly unexpected turn and give me Acute Leukemia.  Like it Cathy's story, the beginning of my new road was filled with a bit of disapointment.  There were so many things I had planned to do and now they were either no longer possible or were going to have to wait a long time to accomplish.  Like Cathy though, I continued to move along my new road with no expectations of what I would find, but have been pleasantly surprised.  I have found more beauty and growth in my life that I doubt I would ever go back and change directions at that fateful turn. 

This journey has led me to realize that life always has a bigger better plan for us that the one we have devised and planned for ourselves in our heads.  Unfortunately, often times we put so much emphasis on these plans we create that when they don't come to fruition we can be devasted and not be open to all the possiblilities and beauties that lie waiting for us on our new journey.

So always remember, when a fork is thrown into a road and you are led down a path you never fathomed or planned, forget your disapointment; GET EXCITED!  Slow down your pace and stop looking for the easiest exit of this path and start looking for all the beauty hidden all around you.

Remember, although you didn't plan it, you were always meant to take this path.  Make sure you find the meaning, enjoyment, pleasure and beauty of it while you are on it!

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A Search for Incredible

I will not write too long of a post today as I don't want to overwhelm you all after being idle for so long.  :)

As many of you know for years now Jason Mraz has been my all time favourite artist.  He has held a place over every other artist ever since I heard his very first songs back when I was in University.  Since then it is very rare to hear many other artists playing in my ipod or computer, just ask Amy if you don't believe me. 

There is something about his music that just touches deep into my soul and was one of the sources of comfort for me when going through some of the most difficult times of my life, including my chemotherapy treatments.  While in the hospital I set aside an hour everyday to just "be".  Instead of meditation I would lay in a complete relaxed state with my eyes closed focused on deep breathing and listen to his music.  I run to his music, sleep to his music, use it while doing photography to get relaxed and open minded.  It is an all around therapeutic experience.  For those that don't know much about him message me and I will gladly give you a playlist to open your mind to his wonderful music :)

I was just searching the internet the other day trying to find the name of his latest song when I came across an initiative that he is part of that I wanted to share with all of you, not only because I respect his music so much but also because the initiative sounds really interesting.

Over the course of the past two years I have heard from many you how incredible of a story I have and how inspirational it is to others.  Well if you truly believe that here is your chance to share that.  Jason Mraz is part of an initiative called In Search of Incredible. 

If you truly believe that my story is an incredible one worth sharing than I urge you to visit this webpage and submit it.  You can submit anything you like, whether it is something I wrote or a story of something I did, anything that is incredible to you.  There is no pressure on anyone to participate, I just thought I would provide you all a forum to share :) 
Oh and you don't have to only share my story :)  If there is another story that is truly incredible to you then please share that as well. 

The link is as follows:
http://www.insearchofincredible.com/us

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Is My Cancer Different

What a common question that is asked when we are all first diagnosed with cancer.  We often have so many questions and in my experience have found that it was often very difficult to find single sources of good information.  Instead my research was done spending hours on the internet looking through millions of webpages and trying to disseminate tonnes of information, even sometimes conflicting.

I have been made aware of a new program called "Is My Cancer Different" which is a single information source for Cancer patients to go and find out some of the answers to this very specific question.

Is My Cancer Different is an online movement created to educate individuals about the personalized treatments available for a range of cancers whose manifestations vary widely from person to person. In recent years technology and research have vastly improved pathways to more efficient/successful treatments, but information concerning the benefits of molecular-level diagnostics and personalized care has been slow to make it’s way to patients. Is My Cancer Different goal is to inspire people to advocate for themselves by asking a crucial question and providing powerful information on why, when and how it could matter to their treatment strategy.    Although this information wasn't around when I was going through my treatments I did benefit from personalized molecular-level diagnostics.  I had a molecular abnormality in my leukemia called the philadelphia chromosome in which I was given a designer drug to specifically target that abnormality during the course of my treatment.  Many studies have now shown that the use of this drug when treating the philadelphia chromosome has greatly increased the patient's chances of achieving and maintaining remission.   Is My Cancer Different isn't for everyone but there are readers of this blog who will find this website informative at the very least.  So please if you have a few spare minutes go poke around the website, you never know what you might learn :)   http://www.ismycancerdifferent.com/

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I Have been Featured

It has been sometime since I wrote a real post on here.  It has been really busy around the household which has kept me from getting some good writing in but I promise next week I will get a post out.  In the meantime I have been featured on another blog as photographer of the week.
To check it out and what I have to say go to http://reflectionsfromaredhead.com/2011/09/19/monday-photo-day-featured-photographer-aaron-offord/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=monday-photo-day-featured-photographer-aaron-offord

I would love to hear your thoughts.

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An Answer to Our Biggest Question

The answers to our biggest questions are always given when we aren't expecting an answer.

A little cryptic I know, but it is my try at a "Great inspirational" quote.  All joking aside, it is true we can spend hours and hours reflecting on some of our life's greatest questions to no avail and then one day, "poof" the answer is provided like magic; oftentimes when we stop looking for that answer.

I have spent the past two years really focusing on my 4 P's of Positivity.  Just in case you forgot they are, Peace, Perspective, Passion, Purpose.  These are so much more than just a way to stay positive, they are a fundamental shift in the way you live and think which can ultimately lead to true happiness.

For me, I was have always been stuck on the last step, Purpose.  Sure, I have found small purposes for my life along the way, but since the beginning of my journey with leukemia I have focused my main purpose on just surviving.  Simple I know, but I know I have great things in me and I just needed to devote all my focus to fighting and defeating my foe, Leukemia.  

Celebrating an Epidemic Away

We have a big problem that is taking hold around us faster than an epidemic; negative thinking.  Before you go off dismissing this, really take a few minutes to sit back and reflect on it.  Think of your own day to day.  You probably just breeze by all the great things you do without a second thought, but as soon as even the smallest mistake is made you just pile on.

This is what I mean about negative thinking, when we constantly beat ourselves up over errors or mistakes we have made in our lives.  Sure it is okay, and even helpful to do this in a controlled manner, but for most as soon as the negative thinking starts it snowballs; eventually consuming us.

Don't worry I have the cure to this epidemic of negative thinking; be positive. 

Am I a Writer Too?

The past year really has been one of self discovery for me.  I have found deep peace within myself, changed my lifestyle, and found passions I would have never given a second chance to in the past. 

Up until a year ago I had never taken any fine arts training of any kind.  I was always the jock type.  I did have some artistic bones in me as I studied music for many years, but many people did not know that side of me.  All I was seen as was an athlete, probably because that was the persona I projected. 

Think About it.......

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My Week Living in Purgartory

A couple months ago I began telling my story, "My Journey Back to Life".  With the first three parts of the story told already, today marks the telling of the fourth part of my story, My Week Living in Purgatory.  If you haven't read the first three parts or would like a refresher here are the links:

A Day That Will Live In Infamy (Part 1)
A Second Day of Infamy (Part 2)
A Third and Final Day of Infamy (Part 3)

So sit back, relax, grab a coffee and enjoy the next phase of my Journey.

Life's Greatest Lesson

Today I am going to share a secret with you.  It is something that only a "select" few get exposed to.  But instead of letting each of you wait to have to go through something like cancer to become privy to this wonderful lesson, I thought I would share it with each and everyone of you.


When going through a life altering event such as cancer we are often faced with many serious challenges and obstacles.  Most people when faced with these challenges don't have the ability to personally take action and overcome this obstacle because of the immense challenges they are facing.  At this moment for them, it is just about getting through the situation.


But when we are faced with these setbacks should we get disapointed that they we can't personally do much to improve it and move on or should we seek another option?

Life's Simple Pleasures

I was laying in bed the other night, with Amy fast asleep beside me, thinking about a million different things and trying to get to sleep when Dora came into the room and jumped up into her bed. You see in our bed Amy sleeps about a foot down from the top of the bed so Dora's bed can fit on our bed too (Yes we cater to our little angel).  Almost every night Dora and I have a little ritual where when she comes to bed and she begins to nest like most cats, I rub her belly.  This gets her purring like a little motor and I continue until she lays down to fall asleep.

This simple little act of hearing Amy sleep and Dora purring brings a genuine smile to my face everytime, no matter the situation or my mood, and fills me right up with joy. But what happens when these pleasures are taken away?

A Cause Worth Blogging About

Over the past year 6 months we have built a pretty good relationship, I write my posts and you, the reader, keep reading them and seem to enjoy them.  As such I have only used this platform to promote certain causes that truly need our help and often get forgotten. 
 
That is why I started the blood donation challenge last year.  Everyone when they heard I got sick signed up for One Match (which is another great cause) but didn't know how important blood donations were to our healthcare system.  The challenge not only raised awareness but a lot of blood was donated in the process and many people were converted into donors. 
 
The time has come when I need to call on all our your compassion and support once again.

Loneliness

For the past little while I have been participating in a weekly project called Street Photography Now.  Each week a famous street photography gives a theme that we have to interpret and then we have that week to go out find a moment that fits our vision and interpretation of the assignment.
 
Last week we were given the chance to pick our own theme.  It was actually more difficult at first than you would think because usually when you go out to shoot you just go with the flow and photgraph what comes to you.  But in this circumstance we were going out with theme in mind and searching for the moments to match it. 
 
I had a very hard time picking a theme, so I decided to just go out with my camera and as I was walking and thinking one would come to me.  It was a very busy saturday down here in Port Credit (nothing out of the norm for a weekend) and lots of tourists were in town.  As I was walking there was a large group laughing and playing while walking in front of me and for some reason it made me think of the elderly lady I had photographed by the water a few weeks earlier, and the theme came to me; loneliness.
 
 

 

Passion on a Whim

Many of you would be surprised to learn that photography wasn't something I always aspired to do.  To be truthful I had never had any interest in the visual arts.  All throughout my life I have spent time learning different musical instruments but I also felt I wasn't creative enough to enter into the world of visual arts.  So if I had no interest in visual arts how did I get started in photography you may ask? 

Taking up photography for me was something of a last resort.  As we spoke about recently in my sense of self post,
when I got out of the hospital I was lost.  Everything I had spent the last few years focusing on were no longer.  It was despressing being stuck at home everyday while everyone else started to pick back up their regular lives and I was slowly getting into a deep funk.  I knew I needed something to fill the void and give me back a sense of self.

I had always dreamed of learning to sail so I signed up for some lessons in late April eager to learn. My plan was to get my boating license, get a small sailboat to dock at the marina across the street from me and spend my summer days sailing.  What a dream!! 

My Original Dream

I Have A Disease

No, No, this is not an obvious post about my leukemia or gvhd, we all know I have those (it says so right in the title of my blog :) ).  Although, the leukemia can be debatable, if you are in molecular remission does that mean you don't have the disease anymore?  Well that is something we will find out in a couple weeks when I get back my 6 month checkup tests and can discuss the semantics further then. The disease I am speaking about isn't a disease in its truest form but more a play on words on my part.

This past year I have become completely and utterly absorbed into my photography.  It is what takes up almost all of my free time.  When I am not out shooting, I am either:
-looking through old images of mine and figuring out how they could have been improved
-reading about techniques and compositional elements
-looking at other photographer's work
-reading other photographer's blog
-talking to anyone that will listen about it (just ask Amy, it drives her nuts :) )
 
It is even so bad that most nights I can't get to sleep because all I am thinking about is photography and I can't shut my brain off.
 
Now many of you might think this could be a bit excessive but I look at it as necessary especially when going through tough times.  My photography has pulled me through some real funks and valleys as I have been being treated for and recovering from Leukemia.  And how has it been about to do that, well it achieves all of the 4 P's for Positivity thats how :)
 
Peace- the physical act of photography always brings me inner peace.  It forces me to get outside and be a observer/participant in the world around me. It reminds me of the simple beauties in life and while I am out I usually listen to music that I find to be peaceful or contemplative.
 
Perspective - photography forces you to be an observer.  This allows you to see the world in a different light and can often change your perceptions related to your own situations
 
Passion - well I don't think I have to explain much more on this front :)
 
Purpose - similar to peace, it has given me a purpose.  When you are going through cancer treatment and/or recovering from it, it is so easy to get down and just want to stay in your little sanitized safe box (home).  But as you recover you have to start slowly re-inserting yourself back into the world.   Photography forces you to go out for walks and enjoy the world around you that you fought so hard to keep.  It opens your eyes to simple beauties, emotions, and pleasures that you often missed before and it reminds you that all the tough times going through treatment and fighting for your life were worth it. 
 
At the beginning of the year I did post about Cancer's Positive Side Effect and how we should not wait until something tragic happens to us to make changes to make positive changes to our lives.  At the end of that post I challenged each of you to come up with a positive change and put it in action.  It has now been 4 months and I am doing a checkup on all of you.  You have heard about how I implemented photography into my life and it achieved all 4 of the P's of Positivity (hey those are pretty good, maybe I should trademark them :)   ) for me, now I want to hear about your positive changes. 
 
What did you identify you could do in your life to make a positive change?  Have you implemented it?  Any difficulties along the way? 
 
I really want to hear so please email me aaronofford@gmail.com or comment.  I think this is such an important thing for each and everyone of us to do.

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Our Sense of Self

The official part of the engagement party was winding to a close and the "real" party was about to start.  Amy's cousin's husband, Andrew, and I slipped down to the basement to get a little quiet and truthfully just to lay out of the couches and relax (I don't have the energy I used to on going).
 
While we watched tv we started talking and he asked me what this experience had taught me the most.  I had to stop for a minute and think.  I have been writing this blog for well over a year now reflecting on the different lessons that Cancer had given me but to narrow all those different things down to one left me speechless.  Which lessons were bigger than others?
 


There were a couple lessons like appreciate life more, seeing the beauty in things I wouldn't have before, and taking life at a slower pace.  But deep down I wasn't fully satisfied with those answers.  We continued chatting and after a little while it came to me. 
 
The biggest lesson going through cancer has taught me is our Sense of Self and how it is tied to our self worth.
 
If you were to do a survey I am sure that you would find that almost everyone's sense of self is tied to one of two things; their careers or their physical appearance.  The problem is in reality you really don't have much control of either of these two things.  Your career can be taken away at any moment whether through restructuring, downsizing, personal illness etc.  And your physical appearance will fade as you age, it is just inevitable.  So what happens when the thing that makes up all of your personal sense of self worth is taken away?  You feel empty, lost, depressed, and even destroyed.  It can be very hard for someone to rebuild when they feel like their entire self was taken away.
 
I really can empathesize with this.  When my leukemia hit it struck both "popular fronts".  It took away my career that I had poured the last three years into building, and the drugs required to treat make it impossible to even begin to try and switch your self worth to appearance.  When I got out of the hospital last year, I was lost and beginning to get depressed.  I knew I needed to redefine myself.  I went through weeks of my mood going up and down while tried to redefine my sense of self.  What made it worse was I was still on steroids so you can imagine what Amy dealt with....very high high's and very low low's.  Bless her for sticking it out :D
 
But it wasn't all bad.  I learnt an extremely valuable lesson; your sense of self CANNOT be tied to something that you don't control.  I am not saying part of your sense of self can't be work or physical but that can't be it.  You have more to you, so when tragedy comes knocking you still are in control of yourself. 
 
This is why I have been pushing you all this year to go out and find passions and hobbies.  It isn't so you can have stuff to take up more of your time.  It is to enrich your life and start building a sense of self that only you can control.  
 
There are many forms of tragedies and we never know when one will strike in our lives.  I know I will be ready for it with a set of strong passions and sense of self.  
 
Will you??
 

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A Hauntingly Beautiful Story

 

For the next little while I won't be posting as much writing with my posts as it is been bothering my eyes when I spend extended time periods on the computer.  But with that said I can still continue to share some of my favorite photos with you. 
 


I came up with today's before the eye issue surfaced and thought it would be a lot of fun.  Instead of me telling you the story I see when I look at this picture, I thought it would be fun for you all to share with me the story you see.  I personally find this picture hauntingly beautiful and I have been drawn to photographing it on many occasions in different lighting situations.  This is my favorite version so far.   I am looking forward to your stories!
 
 

 

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Broken Down

Well it happened, the rain finally broke me (but I will get to that in a minute).  Many of you may have been wondering where I have been since I haven't posted in a week now.  Truthfully I had a post planned for last Friday with some great candid captures but just didn't have time to get through processing some photos. 



The past weeked has been pretty busy around here as Amy and I were finally able to host a party to celebrate our engagement with our families.  We wanted to throw the party so they would have the oppurtunities to meet before we are all sprawled out on the beaches of Aruba and to actually celebrate our engagement; if you remember I pretty much went into the hospital a month of so after we actually got engaged.  The party went off great and from what I could tell everyone had a great time. 

The planning, prepping, and partying took a big amount of energy from me (although truthfully Amy did way more work than me). So this week the plan was to just rest and re-energize.  The problem was the rain.  We got hit with another 7 day straight affair of rain and overcast skies and it finally did me in. With my energy levels already low, the crappy weather drained all my ability to be inspired and passionate.  I was so drained I didn't used my camera for almost a week (goodbye P-365) So that brings us to why you haven't heard from me for a little bit.

Going through this cancer experience I have learnt many lessons.  One of the most important lessons I learnt was not to push yourself too hard when you are in your valleys.  It is okay to take a break from everything and just lie around and "veg out".  It is important to not make a habit of this but a couple days of just re-energizing and reflecting can be just what the doctor ordered.  Some may ask if I am disapointed that my project 365 is over or if I think I should have forced myself to perservere through the valley.  And my answer to both would be no.  I started the project just as a means to get myself motivated to shoot more often on my quest to becoming a better photographer.  Just taking a photo for the sake of taking one didn't serve my main purpose and goal in photography.

If we don't take a complete break from our passions sometimes, especially when we are feeling blue and unispired, our perserverence can actually be a negative and have us start resenting that passion. 

Well it has been a week, the sun is back out, and so is my camera.  I have shot well over 300 street shots today so I will have a busy weekend of sorting through the old and new images but I am feeling very good. 

Looking back who knows what caused my little valley, whether it be from being a little tired or the crappy weather but it helped teach me a good lesson on how to get through them for when future valleys come a knockin' :)


 

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Simplify Simplify - Taking Is Less Really More One Step Further

A Bench's Daily View

My personal challenge of “Is Less Really More?” has been achieving exactly what I had hoped it would.  It eliminated a lot of useless distractions and got me back to just focusing on taking better photographs.  The essence of this personal challenge can be summed up perfectly by Thoreau, “Our life is frittered away by detail…simplify, simplify.”  By satisfying only our needs and ignoring our wants we are truly achieving this simplification. 

Before I continue I should let you know that the “Is Less Really More?” project actually started over a month ago; I am just late on posting about the topic.

My photographic progression has come much faster than I expected when I started this little pet project.  As time progressed I found the wants slowly starting to creep back to the surface.  Thankfully I had started it with a clear understanding of my needs and I could ignore the wants whenever they did surface.  Nikon almost ruined the whole thing with their announcement of the new 5100, but thankfully it was missing one “need” that was a deal breaker for me so it was an easy pass.

As progression continued I began analyzing my “body of work” (albeit not very big), what I enjoyed shooting the most, and what I planned to continue to mainly shoot.  If you remember when I started this challenge I knew eventually I would need to upgrade again but only when my current system no longer met my needs.  This time has come.  My analyzing and reflection allowed me to gain an even better understanding of my needs. 

So the original challenge is kind of over, as I have changed cameras.  I only say “kind of over” because the essence of the challenge is still going strong.  In changing over my system I have actually simplified my photography even further.  In my change I switched from Nikon to Canon but the simplification has come in my lenses.  I have only been using a fixed length 50mm lens since I made the switch. 

You want to talk about simplifying the process; when I want to zoom, I walk forward J  I am actually loving it.  By simplifying my lens down to a single fixed length it has really forced me to pay attention to the composition of my photographs. 

Slowly I will continue to add to my lens collection, but I am really thinking of staying with the fixed length prime lens instead of getting a zoom lens.  It is hard to explain but I feel a greater connection to my photography with them; in fact I have even considered getting a cheap all manual film camera to play around with and simplify it even more J

Of course every time I start looking for my next purchase all those beautiful wants will coming barrelling to the front trying to convince me I actually need them.  It really is difficult to stay focused on only our needs when we are being constantly bombarded at every angle with wants.  How many times have you gone to the grocery store to get the bare minimum and walked out with a cart full of snacks?  Or gone into an electronics store and walked out with a brand new don’t pay for it for 3 month credit card and the newest gadget? 

Our wants are satisfied through impulse; in fact they prey on it.  The only problem is once we satisfy that want you can almost guarantee a new one is going to come along almost immediately. 

I have found two things really help combating these wants.  First, sitting down and honestly understanding your true needs before you go to make a purchase is invaluable; whether it be as simple as a grocery list or complex as analyzing your photography style.  The second is a little rule that Amy and I have developed over the past year for ourselves.  When you decide to you want to make a significant purchase, wait two weeks.  If you still want it after those two weeks it is no longer an impulse buy and thus, no longer satisfying those wants.  This strategy works because most of our wants are so fickle they have moved onto another want by the end of the two weeks.

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Do you have a strategy for fighting off those nasty wants?

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Is Less Really More (A personal Challenge)

Late last year photography for me started moving from a simple hobby to a passion.  I had begun studying it much more detail and actively working towards becoming a better photographer.  Then some great news came my way, they found my bone marrow match and I would be having my transplant immediately.  From a health standpoint this was awesome news but it also meant an extended hiatus from my newest passion.  What made it worse is I had just upgraded my equipment to much nicer lenses and a semi-pro camera that I was dying to use. 

As most of you know the transplant went great and I began my road to recovery.  Soon I would be back out on the streets and in the parks doing what I love.  Then it happened, the first decently nice day where I could go outside had come.  I grabbed my gear and off I went to re-ignite my passion.  Something was wrong; while I was out I didn’t feel inspired.  I felt like I couldn’t find anything of interest for me to shoot, and I went home fairly dejected.  I decided maybe it was just my creative eye was lazy from its hiatus and just needed some time to practice to see properly again.  I went out the next day, which turned out better but still not that same passion as before.  Everything when I was out was a chore.

That night I started reflecting on what was happening.  Why was I not enjoying this like I used to.  I had this fairly top of the line camera and lenses, I should be having a blast.  It was this concept popped into my head, is Less Really More?

As I reflected back on my year in photography in 2010, although I was enjoying it quite a bit I was always changing and upgrading my gear.  Finally, when I hit acquired the kit that I thought would make me happiest, I was actually enjoying it the least. 

I realized I had fallen into the common trap of consumerism.  We are always being bombarded with bigger, better, and faster products with all these new bells and whistles in a bid for us to replace our perfectly good products for something new.  But the real question is do we actually NEED these features. 

This realization made me take a step back and begin to analyze what type of photography I actually enjoy shooting and what I features are actually required for this. 

This is when I really started asking myself the question, is less really more?  To do this I had to start honestly weighing my Needs versus wants. 

When I actually sat down and looked at my kit I realized all the great features it offered had come at a cost, weight.  My camera was heavy, and for someone recovering from a transplant, I was much weaker which affected my ability to shoot with the camera.  This wasn’t the biggest issue.  When I really looked at it I realized the camera made me a lazy eye level photographer.  I am not afraid to lie on the ground and roll in the grass (of course when it is less muddy and dry) to try a different perspective.  But with this camera I wasn’t really open to trying out more perspectives.  In addition, I realized that I barely used all the features that made this camera better than the lower level versions.

This realization made me really intrigued with the concept of is Less Really More.  As Einstein said, “any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex and more violent. But it takes a touch of genius and lots of courage to move something in the opposite direction.”

So I thought I would give myself a new challenge to help improve as a photographer and re-ignite my passion; The less is more challenge.  I would downgrade my equipment to something that only satisfied the NEEDS of my photography and ignored the wants.  This way I could focus solely on improving as a photographer.  I knew I would of course upgrade my camera again one day but only when I felt that my equipment was limiting me photographically and my current camera was no longer satisfying my needs.  No longer would I be sucked into the consumerism trap bigger and more complex unless it specially addressed a need of mine. 

It took me a couple weeks of swaying back and forth between the "is Less Really More" personal challenge.  But each time I came back from taking photos I grew more and more restless, and finally pulled the trigger.

I think my Less is More challenge achieved exactly what I had hoped for.  It not only reignited a passion for my photography but poured a whole gallon of gasoline on it and it has made me a much better photographer.  The images in this post are what I consider my five best images since I took up this personal challenge.  They were all created with the entry level Nikon D5000 and Nikon’s cheapest lens, the 18-55 VR.
Since taking up my personal challenge my photography has improved in leaps in bounds.  So the question I would pose to many of you, are there things in your life that would actually be improved by imposing this less is more strategy?  If so I would love to hear about it.

Is there an image that is missing from here? 

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