My Blood is over 50 Days Old - A Weekly Update

GENERAL UPDATES
It has been 2 weeks since my last update so I thought today would be a good day for a "Week in Review".

WELCOME AND HELLO!
First off we have had a number of new readers and subscribers that joined us this week.  I wanted to take the time to say an official hello.  I have sent you each a welcome email so please feel free to email me if you ever have any questions (aaronofford@gmail.com). 

WERE YOU REFERRED HERE BY SOMEONE
If you were referred to this site by someone please visit the contest page at the link A Time to Grow to submit their name
To save you the time and annoyance of sending me an email I have created a form where you can submit the name of your referrer. 
I hope this makes things easier :)

A TIME TO GROW CONTEST UPDATE

Currently there is a 3 way tie for first place in the contest with 5 referrals.  The contest is still really close and is anyone's game!  Lets see if anyone storms to the front this week


YOUR FEEDBACK IS NEEDED!
The feedback I receive from everyone is so invaluable, So PLEASE leave comments.  The reasons it is so important are:

• It lets me know what type of content you enjoy reading.  This way I can keep creating the content you enjoy most.
• Equally important, it lets me know if you don't enjoy a certain type of post and then I can refrain from using that style in the future
• It provides me inspiration and topics for future posts.  For example, our last Sunday discussion provided me with inspiration for 2 separate posts this week!

THE LONG AWAITED DIAGNOSIS DAY 3 POST 

First off let me apologize on the delay in getting this post out.
I promise you will see it by Monday Morning ;) 

To be truthful I did not realize the toll these posts would take on me.  The first two posts of the series not only creatively burnt me out, but aided with the discomfort of some my GVHD problems (more on this later in the post).

None of this has changed my commitment to finishing the story.  I am writing the third part of this story over a couple days, I learnt my lesson the first time around.  Plus now there is so much anticipation for it that it has to be better than the first two ;) 

When I spoke about how your feedback helps with inspiring what I plan to write about, this series of posts is a shining example of this.  The response to them has been overwhelming.  Because of this I plan to extend the series, slowly recounting the entire past year.  I have a rough outline on the My Story page, which I updated recently if you haven't seen it yet.  I have no exact plans on the timing of when each section will be completed, but I will continue to work on them I promise:) 


A NEW STYLE OF POSTING
As I said the first two parts of my story creatively burnt me out so I tried out a new style of post to get the creative juices flowing.  The post was An Insane to Insanely Beautiful Morning and was style a hadn't tried before. 

I would love to hear if you guys enjoyed this style or not, so please if you could leave a comment here or the bottom of the post letting me know what you think.  If the consensus is you enjoyed it, I will try style once in awhile for a change of pace.


HEALTH UPDATES
It has been two weeks since the last update on my overall health and recovery from my bone marrow transplant.  In my last update, my GVHD had flared up quick significantly.  Because of this the doctors put me back on an immune suppressants and increased the dose of my steroids.  For a layman's explanation of GVHD check out this link - The Truth and Facts About GVHD


MY SKIN GVHD
The increase in medication was not working quickly enough to get gain control of my GVHD flare up, so last Tuesday the doctors increased my steroid (predinsone) to 200mg daily.  The reason for their concern was my skin had moved to the sunburn stage and they didn't want it to progress any further.

Thankfully the increased dose calmed the flare up and my GVHD has greatly improved this past week.  The doctor's were so happy with the progress that this past Tuesday they reduced my dose back down to 150mg.  At this new dose it has continued to be a good week and my GVHD has continued to calm down. 

After yesterday's appointment (Friday) the doctor's were again happy enough with my progress that we plan to reduce the steroid next Tuesday.  This is very exciting news because although prednisone works extremely well, it has some really nasty side effects.  Look out for a future post where I explain the good and bad of prednisone. 


MY EYE PROBLEMS
I eluded earlier in this post that my GVHD flare up affected me during the creation of my first two Day of Diagnosis posts.  During the GVHD flare up my eye sight got extremely affected.  The problem was all of last week we weren't sure if it caused by the GVHD or increased steroid dose (remember those nasty side effects). 

My eyes would go from extremely dry one day, to constantly watering the next.  The worst part was eyes were constantly blurry and I couldn't focus well, especially when on the computer.  To combat this so I could continue playing on my computer I would set the zoom the screen in so the font looked like this.  Even this wasn't enough to stop the blurriness, just made it a little better.  And so after I finished the first two diagnosis posts I realized I needed to take some time off the computer to allow my eyes time to recover.

This past Monday, I went to an opthamologist to determine if the cause of eye problems was the steroid or GVHD.  The good news is the steroids have not caused any lasting damage to my eyes and all the problems can be attributed to the GVHD.  The even better news is that as my skin GVHD has calmed down, my eyes have gotten better too :).


DAY 50 AND BEYOND!
Well it is official, I have crossed the 50 day threshold and my body is still making blood :)  Day 50 isn't one of the major milestones in the recovery process but it is still exciting to think I have had someone else's cells in my body making blood for my for over 50 days.  The main milestones are:

• Day 60 - an aspiration is performed to determine if I am in still in remission.  In addition, a peripheral blood sample is taken to determine the amount of Philadelphia Chromosome still in my system.  This is one of the biggest milestones which I am sure I will be a little nervous for.  Not just for the results but the procedure is not one of my favorites ;)
• Day 100 - I move to other side of the follow up clinic.  After Day 100 the new cells in my body should hopefully be fairly accustomed to their new home and the acute GVHD should be almost all gone.  After this I will begin the lookout for chronic GVHD.
• Everyday that I am still here making blood and enjoying this life! :)

Sorry for the long update but there was a lot to catch you up on.  REMEMBER the contest is still early so keep passing the blog along to people you think will gain something from it.  Lets continue using the pay it forward strategy and see how big we can make it! 

Plus who wouldn't want one of those gift cards ;)

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Where Is Your Personal Sanctuary?

"Sanctuary, on a personal level, is where we perform the job of taking care of our soul." - Christopher Forrest McDowell

I am writing today sitting in the same early morning darkness that enveloped the beginning of my last post, An Insane to Insanely Beautiful Morning.  Sunrise is a particulary special time of day for me and has been ever since I was discharged from Induction therapy a year ago.  It is not only my favorite time for photography, but also for writing.  The peace and solitude that comes with this beginning of each day, I find to truly inspiring and breathtaking. 

But why am I writing about sunrises again? I wanted to use it to illustrate my theme for today's post.  How many of you already have a personal sanctuary?  Well I should back up a bit, what is a personal sanctuary.  Christopher Forrest McDowell defined it as follows, a "Sanctuary, on a personal level, is where we perform the job of taking care of our soul."

Keeping this definition in mind you can see how the sunrise has become my personal sanctuary.  When I see those beautiful colours filling the sky over the lake, my soul feels completely fulfilled and energized.  The funny thing is I didn't used to enjoy sunrises.  It isn't that I didn't like them, I just enjoyed staying in bed sleeping much more.  ;) 

My opinion didn't change until my acute lymphoblastic leukemia diagnosis and subsequent my induction therapy.   The induction therapy is so intense that there was always a chance that I might not ever leave the hospital.  Would you believe that my first night sleeping in my own bed where I wouldn't be woken up in the early morning darkness by the nurses, I couldn't sleep.  As I lay looking at the clock, I was incredulous!  How could this be happening, I just wanted to sleep in.  Finally, I rolled out of bed and went to the living room so I wouldn't disturb Amy.

As the sun started cresting the horizon that morning it was like I had been reborn and was seeing the sunrise for the first time.  I couldn't believe how magnificent it was.  Since that moment sunrises have always brought me the same awe and passion and had a special place in my heart.   I love watching them so much that on the mornings I am up to see it and it is overcast, I almost feel ripped off :)

Personal sanctuaries are an essential part of maintaining our well being.  Unfortunately there is no magic formula for finding out where our sanctuary should be.  Since we are all different and unique, our the place that heals our soul will also be different and unique.  In addition, what actually heals our soul will be different for many of us too.

Toni Morrison spoke about how to find your own personal sanctuary or getaway.  "A getaway is a vision of a place you've had in your mind. And, when you find yourself there, you recognize it."  This defintion may be a little vague, but basically she is saying you already know what your personal sanctuary should be.  You just need to reflect on what will do the best job of healing your soul. 
For some, it is a getaway from their face paced lives.  For others, it may be getting lost in some relaxing music.  Whereas others, in may be getting lost in creative endeavors (writing, painting, cooking,etc). 

Locating our personal sanctuaries is not enough though, it is critical to find the time to actually use in order to balance all the demands in our lives.  These times of solitude are essential for maintaining a healthy mind and body, and are as important to us as eating, drinking, sleeping, and breathing.

By spending time in our personal sanctuaries we are able to renew our energy, so we need to use them often! ;)  We should all make a promise to ourselves to spend some time this week and find our own personal sanctuary.  Once we have found it, we should extend the promise to invest time into visiting it.  We can start small with only using our sanctuary once or twice a week, but we should never take time away from it; only add time.  Once you find your personal sanctuary and spend some time in it, you won't be able to wait until the next time you get to go back again.

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An Insane to Insanely Beautiful Morning

For today's post I am trying something new.  I hope you like it and would love to hear your thoughts and comments!

An Insane to Insanely Beautiful Morning

As you roll over to stop the alarm, the blackness of the previous night still fills the room.  You move quickly so as to wake the sleeping beauties beside you.  You know that if the little one wakes up and your days of awakening in the blackness are numbered. 

As you roll over to stop the alarm your your eyes are still half closed.  You don't want to remember the time it was set for, the sheer darkness is enough of an answer. 

The alarm is off now but you continue to lie there, not able to summon one muscle to begin moving. "Why am I doing this again?  I could have another 3 hours sleep".  Finally, the rust from the previous night's sleep begins to fall off you and your muscles begin to move.  You were prepared for today, the previous night you piled most of your gear near the door, so as to slip silently from the room without waking either sleeping beauty. 

Although the rust on the muscles is now gone, the grogginess from the night still lays over you like a dense fog.  You look at the window and see a layer frost on the outside.  It looks cold so you quickly put on two layers of warm comfortable clothes and grab the rest of your gear. As you slip quietly through the door you whisper, "See you soon".  You hear a faint reply almost mocking you, "Have fun".   The smaller one looks up at you disinterested, and then puts her head back down to go back to sleep.  Your sleeping beauties are both back asleep before you even cross the doorway, success.  But their lack of interest in joining you out of bed, is just another reminder of how insane you must really be.

You walk outside and the cold slaps you right across the face.  You take a step back to turn around and go back, but realize it is too late now.  Most people think you are insane for this, but you know what is coming and it is well worth it. 

You have to hurry now, your time is running out.  You start half walking, half running down the street.  Every breath extends in a dense cloud a foot ahead of you, almost as if it were leading the way.  You look up, and the darkness is starting to lighten.  The sky is no longer black, but a beautiful deep colour of blue.  You realize your time is waning and you need to multi-task.  Your destination is still a little ways to go, but your camera needs to be ready.  As you hurry along the street, you begin taking practice shots.  Your settings need to be correct before you arrive at your destination.  You can only imagine what you look like to the early morning commuters sitting in the warmth of their cars, definitely insane.  Hell, even to you right now you look insane.

As you hurry by the lighthouse, you notice the lighting.  It is perfect.  The sky is still a magnificent shade of blue and lighthouse lights are still on.  You don't want to miss your destination, but this is to beautiful to pass up.  You stop, quickly take a couple shots.  Thank God you had already taken care of the camera settings gotten en route.  In only a few shots you get what you are looking for, and move on.

Your destination is close, but you are running out of time.  You spent the whole previous day's afternoon scouting and planning this destination, you can't miss your opportunity because of another shot.  You finally approach your destination and begin walking down the stairs to your final spot.

As you arrive, you check your settings one last time.  You know that once it starts, you will have to change them quickly and often, but you want them at least ready for the start.

You are all alone.  Nobody else thought it wise to brave the cool morning, except the seagulls who think you are here to feed them.  Your isolation doesn't matter to you though, you made it in perfect timing.  The sun is just crossing the horizon and the sky is beginning to explode with colour. 

A natural peace flows throughout your whole body.  You couldn't find a more beautiful or perfect moment even if you tried, how could you be insane.  As you through your viewfinder and begin taking in all the beauty, you can't but help feel a connection with something much bigger than yourself. 

The sun is rising quickly now.  You check your last shot and realize your settings need changed.  There isn't much time left, the sun will soon fully cross the horizon and the moment will have passed.  You take another shot and check your camera's screen. Damn! You still don't have the settings right.  You make one final adjustment.  You can feel the anticipation building up in you.  You really don't want to miss this shot.  You have worked so hard for it, but it looks like you are only going to get one last chance.  You look through your viewfinder to frame your picture, change your position to get lower perspective, take a deep breath to calm your slightly shaking hands, and fire off a couple pictures.

The sun has crossed the horizon, the moment is over.  You sit on a bench to watch the rest of the sunrise.  You still feel a deep connected to everything around you.  The colours are all still so beautiful.  In a matter of minutes you bore witness to the sky coming alive from the deathly shade of black to a vibrant rainbow stretching as far as the eye could see.

The sun is fully in the sky now turning it a bright yellow, so you begin your walk home.  The cold of the morning begins to melt away with each passing moment the warm sun beats down on you.  You walk by the lighthouse from earlier and notice that the sun has changed its colour.  It is now a bright yellow, against a deep blue sky.  You stop to take a few last photos playing around with your camera a little.  You finish up and begin your final walk home.

The morning was a success, not only did you get the shots you wanted, but a couple you didn't expect.  Most of the commuters are gone now.  You wonder if you would still look insane to them.  A smile comes across your face, it doesn't matter to you what they thought.  What you were doing was insane.  It was experiencing doing something most thought was insane so you could experience something insanely beautiful. 

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Overcoming Life's Greatest Struggles: Lessons from History's Greatest Survivors

Theme so far this week has been focused on the importance of struggles in our lives.  If you were to discuss overcoming struggles and its benefits with most people, the common answer would be they are required to make us stronger. 

For the most part when we are discussing the topic of overcoming struggles, we are looking at the smaller types that only require a little bit of self improvement to overcome.  In these circumstances the adversity they face, although real, doesn't truly threaten their existence so it is fairly easy to adapt, grow, and learn from them.  But what happens when we are faced with struggles that actually do threaten our existence, are those meant to be overcome?

When your existence is threatened, it is completely possible for the struggle to overcome us, and break down our ability to be adapatable.  In this sense the gap becomes too big to be bridged, the weight too much to be moved, or the ocean is just too deep to dive.  When these types of struggles are introducd into our life, I no longer believe they are just are the simple path from adversity to self improvement that most of us experience.

I look at these struggles not as a path to self improvement, as their smaller cousins were, but as a catalyst for self improvement.  They challenge our state of mind and adapatability to its core, and force us to reach beyond our potential.  Unfortunately, this type of stressor can be too much for many and they are broken beyond repair.

So if we are faced with such a challenge, how are we sure our adapatability and state of mind will reach its potential and stand up to the test it is being faced with.  When I was going through one my most difficult struggles, I found answers to this question in the book, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankyl.  He was a pyschologist that survived the concentration camps of WWII.  During the war as a prisoner he started examining the reasons why some people were capable of overcoming these circumstances and why some couldn't.  He isolated three main mental states of mind that all the survivors shared in common.  Learning these mental techniques and frames of mind brought a lot of peace and inspiration to me in my present situation of fighting Acute Leukemia.  I mean these were the greatest survivors our planet has ever known.  If they could survive Aushwitz employing these mental techniques, I could easily survive Leukemia using them.

Although the entire book is a wonderful read that I would recommend to anyone, here are the three things that I took away from it employed in my personal situation to overcome my struggle.

1.)  Frankyl concluded that the meaning of life is found in every moment of living. It never ceases to have meaning even in suffering and death. This is a very important thing to remember. Many times when people go through a personal tragedy it is easy to slip into a meaningless existence and depression. This book reminded me that even in catastrophe, your life has meaning, you just have to figure out what it is.

2.) "He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how".  This is one of those quotes that gave me goosebumps. Actually it isn'tVictor Frankyl's words but rather Nietzsche. This quote brought me a lot of strength and motivation for what I was about to go through. I hadn't yet received my first dose of induction chemotherapy, but I knew the road ahead was going to be very difficult and painful. This quote moved me so much that I wrote it on my board in the hospital to always remind me whenever I was feeling down. 

3.) The final thing that I took away from the book was a powerful observation Frankyl made. When looking at the people that actually survived the atrocities of the concentration camps, he realized all the survivors had something in common. They had something to live for; they had made plans or goals for the future. He found that all the people that focused on the past did not make it, but those who looked forward to the future gave themselves something to live for and survived. This is actually a very powerful technique that I have used myself to help get through my treatments.

So remember we are always going to be faced with struggles in our lives.  Some are going to be a nice path that delivers us from adversity to personal growth while others are a life threatening catalyst that will challenge us to our core.  Just remember the three things that helped the greatest survivors our planet will ever know through their difficult times, and you too will succeed at overcoming yours.  Whatever the situation, both can be overcome it just takes the right frame of mind and adaptability. 

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Just When The Caterpillar Thought The World Was Over...

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" - Proverb

When a personal tragedy first strikes, our "bubbles" often burst and we feel completely overwhelmed.  In this state we often feel like our world is coming to an end, with no hope of getting better.  I can remember vividly the day I was diagnosed with acute leukemia, I couldn't think of any worse news.  The thing that made it more difficult to digest was I was at an age where I had never really considered the thought of passing away, and now it was front and center.  It literally felt like the world as I knew had come to an end.

In those first 24 hours my family came to see me, and I was given a gift that stuck with me through thick and thin to this day.  My brother and his girlfriend gave me a magnet.  Now you may wonder how a magnet could stick with me, I am not metal, how could it stick? :) The magnet had the phrase that I opened this post with on it.

When I first read the magnet I was completely overwhelmed with emotion.  It was like a light had been shone into this horrible world I had been thrust into.  I realized that there was hope, and my life too could turn into a butterfly.  As the days went by I thought more and more about the phrase, and it always made me smile.  I realized that this wasn't the end of my world, but rather a chapter in my story that I could learn from and help me grow into something better.

So when personal tragedy strikes you or a loved one remember these words.  Maybe they can change your world as well. :)

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The Importance Of Struggles in Our Lives

In keeping with our theme over the past two days, diagnosis with Acute Leukemia, I thought we could focus our Sunday Discussion on the importance of struggles in our lives.  While doing some research I came across this story.  I think it contains a wonderful message, and could make for an interesting discussion.  What makes the story so wonderful, is it illustrates just how important it is that we go through struggles in our lives. 

"A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther.  So the man decided to help the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.  The butterfly then emerged easily.  But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.  The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.  Neither happened!  In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.  It never was able to fly.  What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.  Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. 

If we went through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.  So have a nice day and struggle a little.  When you are under pressure and stress, remember that you are a better person after you have gone through it." - Author Unknown

I would love to hear your thoughts on the story?  Do you think it is a good parable about the importance of struggles?  Do you even think struggles are important, if so why?  I am looking forward to a good discussion today.  Oh and if haven't done so already, remember to sign up for a RSS feed or email subscription, it will make your life much easier in keeping up with the newest posts ;)
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